


Lines

by Ateez_present1



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hope, Oneshot, Other, Recovery, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Voice in head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:07:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ateez_present1/pseuds/Ateez_present1
Summary: yeosang starts to believe he's worthless after not receiving lines after a year and listening to an old friend in the back of his head, which leads him close to dying but the acts of his members help him recover and he gets more lines as he wished.
Relationships: yeosang/everyone- platonic
Kudos: 27





	Lines

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction and should not be taken literally and the issue it tells should not be taken lightly. If you know someone who's like this help them. Same for those who have been through this read at your own risk.
> 
> This is not the best so please bear with me.

A year and Yeosang still has little lines, at first he didn't want it to affect him but as the songs grew better his lines grew shorter.

He couldn't make himself enjoy it as much anymore. He just felt empty. He was the leftover member that no one recognised because he doesn't have much to offer.

But he would've liked the chance to stand out. Even his members forget he's there sometimes and he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt.

Now he didn't want to blame everything on his members it is his fault for being shy and not much of a talker, but that's because he's never had friends when he warmed up to people they always started hating him. After all, he was brutally honest and no one likes a tattletale. So he decided to stay quiet but now, he truly felt like he was left out.

His dream that came so fast also came crashing down when he had no vital importance to the group but he dealt with it, he kept his headstrong and expected he would be recognised for something else and of course that didn't happen.

But he stayed strong and waited but now he was just desperate, the voice in his head that once was gone grew louder and louder as the days passed and he couldn't handle it.

His thoughts were corrupted with self-hate and jealousy. Can he blame it though? He had been forgotten and neglected enough times to know that voice is always right and if he wanted a better life he should listen to it because it knew what was right and wrong.

So that's what he did weeks on end he listened to the voice, trying to stick out and show he had meaning, but these weeks slowly turned to months and before he knew it, he was on the floor pale as a ghost and struggling to breathe as his chest compressed against his skinny body.

'Is it over have I been noticed?' was all Yeosang thought to himself, he didn't care about what he had done to himself, he believed it had worked but the only thing that had worked was destroying his mind and body.

Life is a game, right? So he played that game, following all the rules and this is what happened.

He had stayed on that floor for 2 days not moving sinking in and out of consciousness, the light in his eyes slowly dulling ad he coughed because of his dry throat.

He can handle it.

He just needs to work harder.

He'll get it right next time.

Soon enough his eyes closed and he was welcomed to darkness, still alive but barely. And due to this darkness he never saw the Seven people at the door panicking, begging him to wake up and move, he didn't notice when an ambulance was heard down the street, he didn't feel himself being moved into the back of that ambulance.

The only sliver of hope brightened a little as Yeosang was taken into a room for a check-up, the seven men waiting impatiently in the waiting room.

Hours later these men rushed into a now occupied room seeing their brother connected to multiple tubes. They broke down sobbing and begging him not to leave them. 

Days passed and Yeosang was still asleep and the only member in the room was jongho who was asleep by his hyung's hand holding it tightly. Yeosang wasn't Jonghos favourite Hyung for nothing. The male that was asleep had been crying and it was noticeable because of the tear tracks running down his face, he was sleeping lightly so he could wake if anything happened. 

The rest of his band was on their way as they had gone home to change and shower. So when they got a call from Jongho in tears they panicked and rushed only to realise the male was awake. 

"what happened?" Yeosang asked and the group sighed with smiles. " you passed out because you hadn't eaten in a month or two and your body gave out, thankfully we were there on time and got you to the hospital where you slept for a few days" Hongjoong explained allowing Yeosang to let it sink in. He didn't want this, he didn't want to be a burden for the group more than he is so he gulped and bit his lip. The others saw this and jumped into action.

"what's wrong?" Seonghwa asked and Yeosang gulped once again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to burden you guys more than I already do, please forgive me," Yeosang asked and the group looked shocked.

"your not a burden and never was, what made you think that?" San asked, with a fidgety wooyoung next to him. 

"it's a selfish reason, it doesn't matter" He answered, mingi scoffed and stood up.

"of course it's important, we need to know what happens so this doesn't happen again," he growled, he was breathing vertically as Yunho dragged him to sit down. Yeosang just gave a small sigh to that and curled in on himself trying not to nudge the needles poking out his body.

"I thought I wasn't a benefit to the team because I was always the leftover member and not remember by many because I'm quiet and because I don't have that many lines, at first I was ok with it but after a year it just started eating at my self-confidence, I wanted to fix that so I practised and listened to the voice in my head, I got better at performing and singing and I finally started being recognised. After I lost weight the fans liked it and said I should maintain it so I did, I stopped eating a lot and worked out more. I got so obsessed with it that I stopped eating altogether. the time passed all blurry for me but I remember this much" Yeosang explained lowering his head as he felt glares pierce into him from every person.

"Well you thought wrong, look what happened now, your in the hospital barely alive and looking like a skeleton. you almost died Yeosang, did you want to die?" Yunho begged the male in the bed and Yeosang flinched but nodded. The only thing he got in return was a smack to the face.

the one who had smacked him was Jongho who had tears streaming down his face.

"never say that again Hyung" he yelled before running away.

"Wait Jongho!!!" Yeosang yelled after the younger male panicked and looked to the others.

" Someone stop him!" he yelled and everyone shook their heads. 

"This is your fault you need to sort it when you get out of here later today, hed most likely be in your room since he's been there for the past few days. " Wooyoung said cuddling into Yeosang who sunk in disappointment and worry, he didn't want to affect Jongho so much. 

An hour later he was released from the hospital after eating a disgusting soup, and he rushed to get home but his members wouldn't let him as they didn't want him to strain himself more. So he sat impatiently in the van and fidgeted every few minutes. He wanted to get back to the dorm as quickly as possible so he can explain to Jongho why he thought that.

Once they arrived he rushed out the door and headed to his room seeing jongho on his bed still crying. "Jongho?" he asked softly causing the figure to flinch.

"Hyung?" Jongho said with a scratchy tone. Yeisang just embraced the male and sighed sadly. Jongho turned around and stood up gripping onto his Hyung. He clenched his fists into the older males shirt.

"Why?" is all he asked and Yeosang smiled bitterly.

"I felt like I didn't belong and since you guys always forgot about me or ignored me even though I'm quiet hurt me, after a year I didn't open up because I'm scared that if I show you the real me you'll leave me just like everyone else did. I felt that it wasn't worth the pain so I stayed quiet but that only led me to relapse, I used to have depression because of all the people that left me. I used to have voices that told me things and eventually I believed them, it's the same now, they came back and I was an obedient puppet and destroyed myself trying t get better, I'm sorry I let you down. I honestly didn't expect it to get this far but I guess I was wrong." Yeosang explained and ran his hand through Jonghos hair as he tucked his head into his neck. Jongho continued to sob and cling onto Yeosang believing this was a dream and when he woke up Yeosang would still be asleep and left to his darkness. 

So he did the only thing he could and hugged the male tighter. " I'm sorry" he mumbled, He raised his head from his hyungs shoulder and smiled at him before wiping his eyes. "did I smack you hard?" he asked genuinely upset that he could hurt his favourite Hyung. 

"no I've had worse, but thanks for that, without you belting me I wouldn't have snapped out of that self-indulgent phase thank you Jongho," Yeosang said causing jongho to smile happily and nod. 

"Hyung are you going to get help?" he asked trying not to sound insulting. 

"I'll try but no promises, it may help me from sharing myself like how I did now but it won't be gone for good. Thanks for worrying, will you help me get better?" Yeosang asked with a smile and Jongho nodded smiling widely. The two talked a little more before passing out o Yeosangs bed huddled together both with smiles on their faces. The future looks brighter and having family care for you is the best thing for healing and getting better.


End file.
